D. I. COLUMNIST The Real Deal with Tommy D ' Aprile
A man I know was recently ranting and raving about someone who did him wrong. He was so mad and just kept on about it for most of our conversation that I figured he had just come from this other person’ s house, but I asked when it happened and he replied,“ about 15 years ago.” Seriously? Fifteen years ago? I was shocked by how passionately aggravated he remained about the whole situation. In fact, he was actually spitting with anger! It turns out someone else had just mentioned this other person’ s name to him and that was all it took to get him all worked up again.
It got me thinking, how many of us have been screwed over and done wrong? There’ s at least one or two of you out there, I’ m sure. Seriously, the truth is that every one of us has been wronged many times in the past and will be wronged many more times in the future. It’ s called life. So my question to you is how will you handle it?
Now, let me give you a little background on myself. Years ago if you cut me off in traffic or gave me a dirty look there was gonna’ be a fight. If you screwed me over I was gonna’ get mine at your expense. And if by chance you tried to make it right with me, I would still come after you. But let me tell you what all that anger did for me. It made me sick— literally ill. I can remember all the anxiety, hatred and plain discord it caused me. I was constantly mad at someone and always was putting up a bold,“ I-don’ t-like-you-anymore” front to one person or another.
Fast forward to today and I have been set free. I was so busy wasting my time on people who didn’ t care about or for me that even my good relationships began to suffer. I was simply focusing my energy in all the wrong directions— and on all the wrong people. A wise man finally asked me,“ When are you going to stop letting others steal your joy?” What he meant was that I was completely wasting my time and energy on revenge that did nothing but hurt me more in the end. He also taught me about a very powerful word. A word that would forever change my own life and the lives of so many others: forgiveness.
Now, I lift a lot of heavy weights at the gym, drive on- and off-road race vehicles at high rates of speeds, and overall live a pretty crazy lifestyle compared to many, but the hardest thing I ever had to do was learn to forgive others. It took me dumping that foolish pride of mine and just doing it. Once I did, though, it was like a weight had been lifted from me. I no longer had to hold a grudge and be miserable. Forgiveness actually saved my life. The truth is I had it all wrong. Getting mine in the end did nothing but satisfy a temporary need that ultimately brought with it regret.
I’ ve heard it said that unforgiveness is like being trapped in a prison cell, all the while holding the key to the cell door in your pocket. You see, it is you who suffers by bearing the choice to hold a grudge.
In the racing community there always seems to be someone mad at someone else for some perceived slight. It’ s no secret that our sport can become a selfish“ all-about-me” pursuit if you’ re not careful. So my advice the next time someone does you wrong would be to get over it as quickly as possible. This is not to say you should just accept abuse or you shouldn’ t separate yourself from toxic, hurtful people. However, demonstrating a big mouth and bad attitude back toward someone else will only make you look like the fool in the long run. It’ s much healthier— for you— to forgive and move forward without them.
Now all this said, you might be thinking I don’ t know your circumstance and that forgiveness is much easier said than done. Well, that’ s certainly true. All I can say, though, is that I do have a lot of experience in forgiveness, in a lot of different areas, and because of that I feel finally set free from the bondage of other people. And all it took was the choice to forgive. Not easy, but so worth it. If you want to live a free life and stop allowing others to steal your joy, trust me, it is attainable. But as always, the choice is yours to make.
Tommy D’ Aprile tommyd @ dragillustrated. com
April 2017
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