D.I. COLUMNIST
On the Road
with Van Abernethy
I
never imagined the fun I
could have with a trophy that
clearly wasn’t deserved, but I
actually got caught up in the mo-
ment and decided to celebrate my
bogus award to the fullest! You
might have seen this month’s col-
umn photo posted on Facebook a
few weeks back, and you might have
even given it a “like” or posted a con-
gratulatory message after I won the
fictitious “Best Appearing Journal-
ist” award. If you happen to be one
of those who extended
well-wishes for this
hoax, I appreciate the
sentiment sincerely,
but believe me, the real
story is much funnier.
Had you zoomed in
and closely examined
this photo on the inter-
net, the keen eye would
have discovered the fol-
lowing words inscribed
on the trophy: “Mag-
naFuel Top Sportsman
2018 Best Burnout
Winner,” which is, of
course, an award I’m
clearly incapable of
winning in my current
field of expertise. So
how in the world did I
end up with this trophy,
you ask?
Well, to be honest
I rescued it from a
dumpster at the urg-
ing of Scott Bathurst,
who actually created
the trophy. Scott’s Cal-
ifornia-based company,
Classic Graphix, is not
only the official t-shirt
supplier of the PDRA,
he also crafts some truly exquisite
trophies for the series. The thing is,
he was completely dissatisfied with
the one he ori ginally produced for
the aforementioned Burnout Con-
test, so he elected to do a re-do. Scott
was moments away from pitching
the trophy into the trash heap when
yours truly came rolling up on my
golf cart at the recent PDRA Sum-
mer Drags in Martin, Michigan.
Scott says, “Van, do you want this
trophy?” – explaining that either I
take it or else it was going into a
dumpster in Michigan. I couldn’t
bear the thought of that,
so I said, “Sure man, I’ll
take it home with me.”
Right about then, my
friend Larry Puff and his
son, Aaron, came stroll-
ing up just as Scott was
“presenting” me with the
trophy. I actually met
Larry and his lady friend, Bonnie,
in a Battle Creek, Michigan, Denny’s
restaurant years earlier, and he’s also
a longtime DRAG ILLUSTRATED long before the accolades
started pouring in! Mo-
ments later, the post be-
gan receiving “likes” from
some of drag racing’s
elite members – people
who actually deserve
to win trophies! In no
time at all, news of my
“award” began building steam and
well-wishes were pouring in from
friends, family, former classmates
at the elementary school I attended, A few of my friends at the Michi-
gan race knew the “real” story and
insisted I tell it over dinner, while
everyone roared with laughter. Peo-
ple who heard the real version of the
story encouraged me to keep the tale
going, so as I was driving the DRAG
ILLUSTRATED cargo van through
the pits later that evening, people
were giving me thumbs up when
they saw the trophy riding shot gun,
safely buckled beside be. Over the
years, I’ve seen so many people post
subscriber. Larry and Aaron were
first to congratulate me for my
award and even suggested we line
up and get a snapshot together with
me holding my beautiful new tro-
phy. Naturally, Scott was more than
happy to oblige, so he laughingly
snapped an iPhone pic of the three
of us...with me looking as though I’d
done something special.
Within minutes, Larry and Aaron
posted the photo on Facebook with
a caption they dreamed up about
how I won “Best Appearing Jour-
nalist” in Michigan. It didn’t take people I go to church with – even
my mother-in-law seemed authenti-
cally impressed! It was a full-blown
sham alright…and one that I was
enjoying rather immensely!
A few of my regular readers com-
mented on Facebook that the award
was “well deserved” and “long over-
due.” I was starting to blush a little. I
wasn’t about to tell folks that it was
none other than Larry and Aaron
who actually gave my fake award a
name, and the trophy I was holding
had a bleak future of rotting away
in a landfill somewhere! photos of their Wallys buckled in
the front seat of their tow rigs after
winning an NHRA race, so I decided
to do the same thing with my bogus
hardware!
From Michigan, I drove to Tulsa,
Oklahoma, for the next event with
my trophy still riding proudly in
the front seat. I guess the old adage
about “one man’s junk being another
man’s treasure” is true, and so help
me, if I never “win” another trophy
in my life, I guess I’ll just have to
treasure this one!
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62 | D r a g
I l l u s t r a t e d | DragIllustrated.com
Issue 134